Kids say the darndest things (or Balls, part 2)

Imploringly he
holds my face and whispers his
sweet little boy song


The place: CVS

The who: Me and my then 4 year old boy, AB.

The what: AB watching himself on the security TV at the entrance.

The quote:  Hey mom, watch me! I’m whacking my boy parts on TV!!

The reaction: Silence.

Because really, what can you say after that? I had at least 10 replies cued up in my brain, several that were downright hysterical, but none would play too well in that suburban store. Instead, I smiled blandly at the clerk, who, at 16 years old, thought that was the funniest thing she had heard in a while, and quietly replied “he’s 4”.

We left the store rather quickly. I tried to explain to AB that a) we don’t whack our boy parts and b) we certainly don’t do it in public.  But he was already onto the next topic, the whacking long forgotten.

I think AB picked me; I think that little soul looked down from wherever souls hang out pre-birth and decided that I needed to learn agility.  Verbal ability, mental agility, emotional agility, physical agility and most of all spiritual agility.   He has presented me with so many wonderful opportunities to build my skill set in this regard – always with a smile that melts your heart (those dimples! damn them!).  It hasn’t been an easy practice.  There have been more than my fair share of hot tears, born from frustration and defeat. But then we have a moment like CVS. Where the universe gifts me with an opportunity to observe my son with wonder… to watch him so downright pleased with seeing himself on camera… to have such confidence in who he is and what he is capable of that he boldly declares it to the world.  Look at me! Look at what I can do!

Who cares that if he was 10 years older he would be arrested for saying such things. I don’t want to be the one who dampens that spirit just yet. Instead, I’ll just carry on, walking with him, learning to be more agile than I ever thought I would need to be.  We will be fine. And we are going to have some great stories to tell someday to an unsuspecting girlfriend.

Leave a comment


  1. Amanda

     /  January 6, 2012

    May be you one day.

  2. And that unsuspecting girlfriend – how lucky she’ll be to be part of your world!! Lynette

  3. mar

     /  January 7, 2012

    hmmmm – what’s with the sexual energy pervading your kids these days – kinda funny –

  4. “And we are going to have some great stories to tell someday to an unsuspecting girlfriend.”
    Your poor boy!

  5. Actually nearly choked laughing while reading this post. Thank you for the laugh x

  6. Debbie G

     /  January 9, 2012

    I have one you should enjoy. My eldest son was quite fixated on his “anatomy” and rubbing himself to happiness. One day – as he was “rubbing” and I was “ignoring” (as advised to by our family GP) – he excitedly stated, “Mom, look…. I’m just like Pinocchio, but it’s not my nose that grows.”

    Try keeping laughter inside when your 5 year old makes a statement like that. 🙂

  7. HAHAHA!!! That’s GREAT! …and thank you, I needed the laugh! Maybe not the iced coffee in my nose and on my keyboard, but it was worth it. 😉

    I am terrified of my son in 3 years…right now he doesn’t have the words to embarrass me with just yet.

  8. Just wait ’til he’s a teen………….

    spread the

  9. My mom tells this story to everyone.
    My mom was driving on some highway upstate NY and gets pulled over by the police for speeding. I’m in the backseat and I’m 6 years old playing with my barbie. I said to the cop “Mom says you pulled us over because our skin and thats not nice” as I point at him with my barbie doll.

    She didnt get a ticket

  1. Puppy Pirates – the Art of Conversation with a 5 year old (Part 2) « FamilyHaikus

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