Reaching Out…

Friendship neglected
Doesn’t die, but lies dormant,
Waiting for sunshine.
Have you ever had a friendship kind of fizzle? No real reason, but one, or both of you, simply stopped watering it. And then you realize 6, 12 months later that it has gone?

What do you do?

You reach out. Or rather, I reached out. A few weeks ago.  I felt bad that I hadn’t returned a call a million years ago and one of her Facebook postings brought the guilt roaring back. Ouch. So I swallowed (what’s the worse that can happen!?!?) and reached out. She reached back. (Phew!) Then we had a great phone conversation.

The funny part? She thought she had been the one to retreat. And I insisted that my life had just been so busy and narrow (by choice) and the kids and the work and although not a good excuse, it was a reason so it wasn’t you it was me… We both laughed and moved on.

I think I could be a better friend. I come from a long line of women who make great friends but we don’t always pay consistent attention to them. We come in and out of them, happily picking up where we left off, never worried that the “leaving off” might not suit some people.  Do I not want the closeness?   Am I lazy and unable to take the time to invest?  No, I think I just forget that the investment is easy and has a fabulous rate of return.  Then why does it seem to work with some friends and not with others? Clearly, I’m broken… it’s all my fault. Actually, I’m probably more normal than I think I am.

Well, that call was a wonderful reminder. I definitely got something from the reconnection. I think she did too.  It doesn’t take a lot of water and sunshine to keep a friendship healthy and growing. Yes, it does take some attention, but less than you think. And as in most things, you get what you give, and usually more in return.

Leave a comment


  1. Friendship rules, right?

  2. I had, just like you describe… Not good. I’ve decided to let it go…

  3. Recently, my best friend and I suffered a bout of unexplained silence.
    The five useless little (wonderful) phone calls which had previously made my day, all of a sudden dropped to nil.
    Being the paranoid insecure that I am, I of course took it upon myself to feel terribly personally offended, and mope around the house crying and snapping at anyone who looked at me sideways.
    At the end of the day though, the best thing I did was swallow my pride and call her, putting our differences aside, and embracing the fact that we were just growing up and becoming busier in our everyday lives.
    The reconnection was about as perfect as you have described above, and I’m glad to read about someone who has just gone through something similar! 😀

  4. so true…thanks for sharing!

  5. The Rusty Fork

     /  January 10, 2012

    My best friend is my best friend because she understands that two weeks can go by without a long phone-call, or can include a phone call that ends mid-sentence because of one of the four girls ages 3 to 6 we have between us! Perhaps it helps that we work in similar fields, have similar expectations of our lives, or that we found each a lttle later in life – after the drama that is our early twenties.

    Anyway – I have a best friend that I am ever grateful for.

  6. I’ll keep it simple – you write well!

  7. “you get what you give, and usually more in return” love true..

  8. Great and timely post. I, too, am broken. I never really learned how to nurture friendships properly because of the ripple affect of having a hoarder for a mother. I’ve drafted out a blog post on this topic, but having just started blogging, I’m not sure I’m ready to be that “naked” yet! I hope to be able to suck it up and throw caution to the wind soon and hit publish. 🙂


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