A Bug’s Life – Adventures in Napping

The wobbly bee
Bobs in the sunshine, dodging
Unseen enemies.

———————————————————–

The following is a true story.

Today was a beautiful day. One of those spring days when the temperature, clouds, sun and wind came together to provide perfection. To top it off, I am on vacation, which took the day’s perfection into the stratosphere.

This kind of day called for a nap in the sunshine on a lounge chair next to the pool in my parent’s backyard.  I put on a bathing suit and some shorts but skipped the sunscreen.  My last blood work results indicated I was low on vitamin D (who isn’t this time of year…), so I thought body and soul needed a little melatonin stimulant.  

Once I had mastered the positioning of the chair relative to the sun (honest to god it took me 3 goes to get this right), I settled in… and quickly fell asleep.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“Hey Billy, how’s it going today?” said the bumble bee.

“Not too bad, Buck… high season, you know, working my stinger off. You? How are the kids? Betty recovering from her encounter with the toddler down the way?”

“She’s great. Thanks for asking. A few more days and she’ll be — GOOD GOD! What is THAT?!?” Billy ground to a halt, mid-air.

Buck ran smack into him, reversed, and also hovered, dumb struck.

“I’m not sure – man, it’s hurting my eyes!” Buck pulled out his sunglasses and quickly put them on.  “Wait… it can’t be… grandpa told me about them, but I’ve never seen one myself.”

“You mean… It’s one of those? I didn’t think they really existed – are you sure?”  Billy, also with his sunglasses now firmly on his nose, looked worried.

“Yep, I think that’s Humanus Buttus Whiteus. Wow… they are really rare here in Georgia. And she – at least I think it’s a she, I can’t look at it very long before the glare hurts my eyes – she is quite a specimen.” Buck crept forward a bit, not willing to get too close, but curious nonetheless.

The bees slowly approached the Humanus Buttus Whiteus. It moved a little, but seemed relatively harmless.

“I think she’s asleep. Heh heh heh. Hey Billy, want to have some fun? This seems too good an opportunity to pass up.” Buck laughed as he rubbed his little hands together in a mad scientist kind of way.

“What did you have in mind?” Billy asked, a devilish smiling crossing his lips.

The two friends huddled together, whispering and planning, planning and whispering. Then they talked to their friends, the sweat bees and dragon flies.

45 minutes later…

“That was more fun than I’ve had in a long time – Buck, great idea!” Billy wiped sweat from his brow.

“I know… my sides are still hurting from laughing so much.”  He bent over, massaging his belly.  “Jimmy and the boys are so funny… did you see her twitch each time he landed on her arm? Classic… He’s the best.”

“And did you see her head jerk up each time we flew by her ear? Made her stop snoring every time!! God I could do this all day.” A wistful smile crossed Billy’s face.

“Yeah, me too. Humanus Buttus Whiteus is really not as bad as grandpa said. Sure, they’ll blind you, but it’s so worth it.” And the two friends glided happily away.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

 It wasn’t what I would call a restful nap. The sun was great, the breeze gentle, but as luck would have it I managed to position my chair in a major flight path for bees and bugs. They kept flying by, extraordinarily close to my ears and I swear they were landing on my forearm.  I kept waking up convinced they were crawling all over me, only to find nothing there.  Regardless, I managed to get some sun and can feel the vitamin D coursing through my veins.

Mission accomplished.

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6 Comments

  1. Well (true story or not), that was funny! Although it was sunny and 60s in Wyoming today, I know we’ll probably have a couple more snow events so no bees or other bugs here yet. Enjoy your vacation!

    Reply
  2. thewideopenwindow

     /  March 18, 2012

    Priceless!!!! Enjoy your vacation! Safe travel back home.

    Reply
  3. …watching too many cartoon movies involving talking flying insects? Or maybe just too much gin. Either one.

    Reply

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