The Simplicity of Men

Man’s simplicity
Brings joy, laughter, easiness;
Yet often ignored.

Happy (belated) Fathers Day to all the men out there who are dads. And if you don’t have children, well, happy guy day. Because I think we need to celebrate guys. As a genus, I am very fond of them. There are some species and subspecies that I think are a**holes (like ones who hurt women, kids and each other), but I choose to believe they are few and far between.

One reason I like them so much is they are simple beings, really. Food, water, sex and the gratification of a hobby are about all you need to provide Man.  If that just offended you I implore you to listen: I like men. I really, really do.  But you are simple. (Example: How many men just read that last line “I like men. I really, really do” and went instantly to some whore-like thought? Some of you, for sure… that’s what I mean. You are simple and predictable… fun.)

(I feel compelled to clarify: I don’t sleep around; I am happily married and faithful…despite my lustings for bathrobe man and running boy…)

My dearest exemplifies this simplicity often. Case in point:  on his birthday back in March, I had a fever, the baby sitter canceled, no date night…  his birthday was shaping up poorly… and I asked “What can I do to make your birthday special?” knowing he had all these strikes against him.

“Pole dance. Check! I can whip up the pole pretty quick,” he deadpanned. Relative to the answer I expected — cough cough coblowjobugh cough cough — this was quite original.  And just another example of the wonderful, simple, predictable Man.

Some women don’t appreciate this. They want men who can read minds, anticipate their feelings, pay full attention during the 4th quarter. These women are insane and clearly so high maintenance they shouldn’t breed.  Men can’t read minds. You have to tell them what you want. And you know what? I have found if the request is reasonable, they’ll deliver.  I told my beloved that our wedding anniversary was a mandatory flower-giving event. The only one in our calendar. I could have have chosen to not tell him and then get pissed off when he gave me only candy or a card, but I didn’t — I told him. I did so because he said once “men typically don’t want to piss women off… just tell us what’s going on…”. So I did. And 19 years strong, he is still delivering the goods.

So to those women out there who live their lives disappointed in the men they claim to love, step back and count your blessings. Learn to laugh and be grateful for the companionship of one so easy to understand. Be clear what you want (but don’t push it…). And I think you’ll find they’ll do right by you. Learn to appreciate how they love you; how they love their children (even if it isn’t how you would do it); learn to love how they fold your shirts (even it if isn’t how you would do it).

And if that doesn’t work, install the pole and I’m guessing they’ll forget all the other bitchin’.

Addendum: Since this post is about guys, I asked Frank to read this. His concern was that it made him/other guys seem shallow. This is not my intent. I think relationship-wise, Man is simple. But this doesn’t preclude depth of feeling, depth of intelligence, depth of capability across all the domains of life.  More reason to love Man: depth and simplicity, a lovely combo.

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  1. I’m with ya sista! I think men are pretty good creatures in general, too. Especially, when I see what they have to put up with. I also like to think that my hubs is fortunate, too, to not have one of THEM. Hopefully I see myself accurately! HA!

  2. I think this post is VERY well written. I don’t know why women expect men to read thier minds. What happens in the movies will (almost) never happen in real life, that’s why men laugh at our Chick Flicks.
    Men are willing to please, but not all women are alike so you have to tell them what you want.
    I am totally happy with getting a vacuum cleaner for Christmas. I wouldn’t find that insulting at all. Meanwhile my siser-in-law would freak out.

  3. I have nominated you for the “One Lovely Blog Award”!

  4. So if I want to keep a man, I should take up pole dancing?

    Also I’ve nominated you for the beautiful blogger award!

  5. What a great Post! I’m currently new to this blog thing, but I came across your post and thought it was interesting.
    We were talking about this subject last weekend with my friends over a very nice High Tea (dont get me wrong, we paid a fortune just to pretend for a few hours that we were ‘society ladies’), and we ended concluding the same thing as you did, you just have to ask clearly and remember that if they get it wrong the first time, they will try harder to get it right the second time.

  6. I laughed out loud at this! As a husband and a dad of a sixteen year old, I still find it hilarious AND, well..true! haha Tell Frank it’s okay. Married for 12 years, adopted my son at 12 years old. If love doesn’t make you laugh sometimes, I’ll submit it’s not so deep!
    Thanks for the great read and he laugh!



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