Mortified (more bathroom escapades)

My life’s up and downs,
I manage with ease; but one –
leaves me stunned, staggered.
—————————————————
I recently posted about my musings while in the bathroom. It isn’t as gruesome as you might imagine, rather a series of observations and questions that have come to me while attending to nature. Suffice it to say that I pay attention while in the bathroom.

So, let me relay a recent occurrence that I am still a little shaky about. There I was, in the last stall, when I felt the seat drop, significantly, even though I remained still. Shortly after that, I heard a flushing sound, not from the toilet next to me, but the one behind me… through the wall… in the men’s room that abuts the ladies. (!)

Oh my god… The shift downward of my toilet… no… it couldn’t be… it happened – please say it isn’t so –  when my through-the-wall comrade stood up, having completed his business.

Eww…. Our toilets were somehow linked through the wall. We were back to back — way too close for me. And our toilets made… a toilet teeter-totter.

Double ewww.  How shoddy is the construction at my work that I could feel him depart? How do they hang the toilets on the wall such that this is possible? Will I ever, ever be able to use that bathroom again? (See the other post; I’m running out of places I feel comfortable going…).

Later that night, I was telling Frank about this (when you’ve been married as long as us, you’ve pretty much run out of things to talk about, so you have to dig kinda deep). And then it hit me. The unthinkable. If I felt my seat drop when he got up, then… (I can’t even think it let alone type it)… then he must have pitched up a few inches when I plopped down, none too delicately, I’m sure.

One hundred times ewwwww. What must that other person have thought when moments from finishing up, he felt that upward movement of the seat? Did he realize what happened or was he in the home stretch such that he wasn’t paying attention?  Me, at the realization?  I doubled over in agony, in despair, in complete and total embarrassment. It didn’t matter that he was a stranger. I am forever changed, forever mortified.

Seriously, now I really can’t ever use that bathroom again. It’s going to be a long summer.

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13 Comments

  1. hahaha…a toilet teeter totter. Too funny. You made my night!!

    Reply
  2. I totally get the ‘ew’ factor – even though I’m laughing!

    Reply
  3. Maybe you need to re-read “Everybody Poops” (on a teeter-totter)–I am sure you will be able to overcome your mortification when you are reminded of this.

    Reply
  4. Well, as long as you don’t run into the person outside the bathroom after you’re both through. Putting a face on the teeterer or totterer . . . now that would be a tough moment to confront!

    Reply
  5. Let me just say that the ewww factor on your side is far greater than his. Let me explain…We, being of the female persuasion we ALWAYS sit. Men ( unless I’m completely mistaking) only sit when they are drunk or pooping. Since it was at work…ahem….need I say more!! EWWWW!!
    Now, if you want to feel better about the humiliation of it all go check out my story about my first visit to a doctor that happened to be a gynecologist. Trust me, you’ll never worry about this incident again! 🙂

    Reply
  6. Because you regularly make me laugh out loud, I have nominated you for the Sunshine Award. The link is http://theembiggensproject.wordpress.com/2012/07/17/the-sunshine-award-yay/

    Reply
  7. I was sitting on the toilet the other day minding my own business when all of a sudden I felt my seat tip up………… ?

    Reply
    • OMG. I read this at work when I really needed a laugh. people worried something was wrong because I was squeaking trying to not make a spectacle in open offices…. thank you thank you thank you!

      Reply
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