You could have at least said good morning…

Starting slowly the
fog of sleepiness descends,
then boom! I’m socked in.

I was just the tiniest bit awake… only barely aware that my dream world had merged gently with the real world. It was a nice place, and I was vaguely aware that at any moment, I would drop back into full slumber.

And then you called. I pulled back from sleep and realized it was only an hour before the alarm was to go off – 5:44am. I picked up the phone… “Helllloooo?” I asked with my most inquiring, throaty, half asleep, whiney voice. If you were bold enough to wake me up, then I was going to use all my powers of guilt to make sure you knew it.

You said nothing. Nada.  ничего. You just paused ever so briefly, your already awake brain likely quickly processing the fact that you just woke up a complete stranger at an ungodly hour, someone clearly who was not meant to wake up yet, who was not your intended target.

You could have at least said something. Perhaps an “I’m so sorry. It really sucks that I woke you up. I feel bad. Get some rest. I won’t do it again.”  Or maybe just “I’m a complete dork. I should have been more careful. Sorry ma’am.” (A ma’am at this moment would have been welcome.) But no, you said nothing and hung up. Perhaps you thought about saying something, but your cowardice won out? Perhaps you were trying to call the cops and couldn’t manage an apology because the bad guy was closing in. Could be any number of scenarios.

I don’t care. I just want you to know one thing. This is important. I want you to think really hard about what I’m about to say.

I have your phone number, Mr or Ms 513-687-xxxx. It’s called caller ID. And it means I know how to reach you. One night, and you’ll never know which one it will be, I’ll wander around until I find a payphone and call you. At 4:07am. On a Saturday. I might say something to you like “hey, remember a few weeks back when you woke up a complete stranger at 5:44am and didn’t even apologize? Well that’s me. Have a nice day.” Or I might lightly gasp and hang up. Perhaps I’ll redial, pretending that I had just fat fingered the number the first time.  Maybe I’ll laugh maniacally or sing the Brady Bunch Theme. Or maybe I will set a great example and say “I’m a complete dork. I should have been more careful. Sorry ma’am. Go back to sleep”.  Who knows. I need to give it some more thought.

In any event, you likely won’t appreciate it or see the humor in it. I’m ok with that.

Sleep well.

Leave a comment


  1. Yay humor 🙂 hey, sorry about that last comment. I know your blog is tongue in cheek (part of why I like it) I think I was just in a bad place emotionally and took exception to it when I shouldn’t have. Keep doing what you do 🙂

    With regard to this entry, though, you could always sign the mystery caller up for a wake up call. I hear there are sites that offer such a service ;D

  2. Are you cool or what. No need to apologize for your comment… and it means a lot to me what you posted here. (related, my husband thought this posting was vindictive! and I told him I couldn’t have two postings in a row that were too caustic! thanks for making me feel better).

    and i like your thinking on the wake up call service. heh heh heh…

  3. Remind me never to cross you.

  4. Oh the phone ringing at random hours drives me crazy – I always worry it’s an emergency. I would be livid if they didn’t at LEAST apologize. Please do call them at 4 in the morning and report back! LOL

  5. Small town=everyone knows everyone. Strange name=everyone knows who you’re trying to reach. Needless to say, we used to get calls for a local drug dealer (a guy with a strange name that everyone knew about) at ALL hours of the night. Talk about stupid. All his customers were boldly displayed on our call display. Too funny. Good thing I’m not a Narc.


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