A Letter to the Drive Through Lady

Ah – my breaking point;
Without warning, it arrives.
Run! Hide! Save yourself!


Lady, you annoyed me today. It wasn’t your fault, per se. Frankly, you are one in a long line of people like you who bug me. But for some reason, today I just snapped. You were indeed in the wrong place at the wrong time.

You might be wondering what you did that was so egregious that I am now really aggravated at you… You don’t know, do you? You do this countless times a day. You probably encounter this yourself at least 2-3 times per week. Yet you remain oblivious to the annoying trait that I rant about now.

Please, for the love of God, stop handing me back my change ON TOP of my bills.

Do you have any idea what a pain in the ass it is to manage this? What am I supposed to do with the change on top while I am also clutching the bills? My other hand is busy holding my wallet… even if the change purse is unzipped, there is no way I can slide the change in there and have it actually go inside the pocket. Instead it slides off into “bill territory” or between the seats, but not before I desperately try to grasp for it. (One day I’ll just learn and let it fall without a second thought…) If you would just put the change in my palm, and then cover it with the bills, I could ever-so-easily clasp them all, deftly place the bills in my wallet, then attend to the change.

But noooOOOOOooooooo. For some reason, your training manual doesn’t address this. Perhaps you think that if the bills were on top they might get blown away?  I’m not sure how you could have possibly thought that thoroughly about my money, since in so many other factors, your attention to customer care is so slight. Have you noticed that I am getting hosed from the rain because your establishment has yet to figure out that a small roof over the drive through window might be a convenience worth installing?  Did you ever once notice that your cup carriers are so pathetically shallow that they have no hope of keeping the cups from toppling over as I gingerly hand them to the back seat occupants?  I know bottom lines are tight these days, but I’m tired of the brief cardiac arrest I go through each time the milk nearly wobbles out because I have yet to figure out how to bend my elbow backwards such that it would create stability ahead of my kids grabbing for the drinks.

So today I just snapped.  I wasn’t so rude as to yell at you. I simply made you hold the change while I dealt with the bills (taking my own sweet time, thank you very much).  You had to wait a few beats for me, didn’t you?  You had to hover there, half in, half out of your little window, not quite sure what to do once I said sternly “wait, just hold the change for a sec”.  When I returned my attention to you for said change, you looked at me as if I had a second head, and I’m quite sure you talked about me after you little auto-window whooshed closed. I don’t care. I’m done with the lack of consumer awareness that prevents you understanding what really matters to me.

Or is it really a lack of consumer awareness?  Perhaps it is a complicated, multi-player ploy to get me to tell you to “keep the change”. Damn you… Well, if you would give me the bills first, I would tell you to keep the change. Try me, ok?

By the way, my fries were cold too. Today totally sucked.

(Note: Change on top of bills never annoyed me until senior year, AP English, when Christy Deal pointed out what a hassle it was. I haven’t been able to handle it since then…)

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